It is that time of the year again. Everything is red. Hearts are everywhere. Teddy bears tumble from store shelves, threatening to bury you under a mountain of fluff. Romantic slogans fill every shop window, restaurants advertise “special packages,” and social media becomes a gallery of curated affection.
Valentine’s Day arrives dressed in commercial charm and emotional appeal. Many dismiss it as harmless—just a reminder to be loving and expressive toward someone special. But beneath the red décor and soft marketing lies something far more serious. Celebrating this day is not merely about exchanging gifts; it is about opening a door that, over time, leads to the erosion of identity and the quiet crumbling of the inner self.
The Divine Framework of Love
Some may argue that this sounds exaggerated. After all, what is wrong with expressing love? Islam does not oppose love. In fact, no religion has honored love, compassion, mercy, and emotional expression as comprehensively as Islam. Allah Says:
وَمِنْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَٰجًۭا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةًۭ وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَٰلِكَ لَـَٔايَـٰتٍۢ لِّقَوْمٍۢ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
“And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves spouses that you may find tranquility in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who reflect.” [Sūrah al-Rūm, 30:21]
The Prophet ﷺ openly expressed affection toward his wives. He raced with ʿĀ’ishah رضي الله عنها, praised Khadījah رضي الله عنها long after her death, and declared: “The best of you are the best to their families, and I am the best of you to my family” (Sunan al-Tirmidhī).
In Islam, love is not confined to a single calendar date. It is built into daily conduct, speech, and character. Love in Islam is not seasonal; it is structural. If our faith provides a complete, balanced, and dignified framework for love, we must ask: why do we feel compelled to borrow a ritual rooted in another tradition? To understand that, one must examine the origins of Valentine’s Day itself.
The Origins: From Pagan Ritual to Modern Romance
To tackle this issue, or even to see if there are "positives" to be taken, we must understand what this day actually signifies. The "Festival of Love" was originally a festival of the pagan Romans more than seventeen centuries ago. At that time, paganism was the prevalent religion, and there were periods where Christians were being burnt alive and placed in the city to act as "light bulbs."
In the pagan Roman concept, this day was an expression of “spiritual love.” Myths associated with this festival persisted even with their Christian heirs. It is a spiraling road of imitation; just as the Christians traversed it centuries ago, many today are following suit. Among the most famous myths was the Roman belief that Romulus, the founder of Rome, was suckled by a she-wolf, giving him strength and wisdom.
The Romans celebrated this in mid-February with a massive festival. The rituals were visceral:
- The Sacrifice: They would sacrifice a dog and a goat.
- The Ritual: Two muscular youths would daub the blood onto their bodies and then wash it away with milk.
- The Parade: These youths would head a parade, hitting those they passed with leather thong.
- The Superstition: Roman women welcomed these blows, believing they could cure infertility.
It is amazing how practices are adopted across religions, always carrying a dark backstory. (Ansgar, 1976)
The Transition to "Saint Valentine"
How did it get the name? Saint Valentine is a name attributed to "martyrs" of the Christian Church. Some say there were two, others say one, who died in Rome during the persecution of the Gothic leader Claudius. When the Romans embraced Christianity, they rebranded the pagan "Feast of Love" to the "Martyrs of Love," represented by Saint Valentine.
One of the associated traditions involved writing the names of marriageable girls on rolls of paper. Young men would draw a name and serve that girl for a year to "find out about one another." This was an early, innovative precursor to modern dating, though today’s "Muslim" dating sites make the process feel like a Jihād in itself. Even the Christian clergy eventually reacted against this tradition, fearing its corrupting influence on the youth.
Another story, almost Bollywood-like in its plot, claims that Emperor Claudius II forbade soldiers from marrying to keep them focused on war. Saint Valentine performed secret marriages in defiance. While in jail, he allegedly fell in love with the jailer’s daughter. Despite being a priest (forbidden to marry), he is highly regarded for refusing to worship Roman gods in exchange for a pardon. He was executed on 14 February 270 CE, on the eve of the festival of Lupercalia.
The Theological Danger
Allah reveals in the Qur’ān:
وَمَن يَبْتَغِ غَيْرَ ٱلْإِسْلَـٰمِ دِينًۭا فَلَن يُقْبَلَ مِنْهُ وَهُوَ فِى ٱلْـَٔاخِرَةِ مِنَ ٱلْخَـٰسِرِينَ
“And whoever seeks a religion other than Islam, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers.” (Sūrah Āl-ʿImrān 3:85)
The Prophet ﷺ warned us against following the ways of those who came before us. Abū Saʿīd al-Khudrī رضي الله عنه narrated that the Prophet said, “You will certainly follow the ways of those who came before you, span by span, cubit by cubit, until even if they were to enter a lizard’s hole, you would follow them.” We said, “O Messenger of Allāh, (do you mean) the Jews and Christians?” He said, “Who else?!” (Sahīh Bukhārī)
There is no need to follow pagan rituals. Allāh (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَىٰ) has prescribed our festivities. Non-Muslims often respect our boundaries, yet many Muslims fear "upsetting others" by standing firm. Valentine’s Day often serves as a gateway to illicit relationships (Zinā). This is not about being segregated; it is about being identified as Muslims with a clear, unconfused identity. By standing for what Islam represents, we gain genuine respect and create a place for Islam in society, rather than letting our identity be eaten away by foreign festivals.
Why Can't We Fall in Love?
Some ask, "Do you mean to deprive us of love?" If you have an affinity for someone, Islam does not label the feeling itself a sin, as humans cannot control natural inclinations. However, we are accountable for the actions we take.
Islam encourages marriage for those who feel a connection, which is why it is recommended for potential partners to see one another. The Shaytān (الشَّيْطَانُ) offers a ploy: "Fall in love and get to know each other first." In reality, the excitement of marriage is discovering your spouse every single day. Many who fall into the trap of "pre-marital romance" end up with broken hearts, unable to love again.
Imam Ibn al-Qayyim رحمه الله said, “Allah has placed in the nature of a man an inclination towards a woman, just like the inclination of a thirsty person towards water... to the point that many people may be patient with food and drink, but not with women.” (Ad-Dā’ wad-Dawā’)
Muslims express love in a Halāl way. It is redundant to make only one day special while a spouse is neglected the other 364 days. In Islam, a husband loves his wife throughout the year with gifts, letters, and kindness. This bond is based on Mawaddah (affection) and Rahmah (mercy), not just romantic fantasies that fail to withstand reality.
The Way Forward
The youth will naturally seek love and care. In a world where the female body is objectified and nudity is prevalent, we cannot expect a hormone-driven teenager to simply "fast until they die."
The problem is that Nikāh—the solution—is being withheld due to "culture" and "tradition" that has crept into the Ummah. Society makes marriage a burden rather than a relief. We see our youth "sweeping left and right" on dating apps because we have made the permissible difficult.
From the times of Usāmah ibn Zayd and Salāhuddīn al-Ayyūbī رضي الله عنه, who led the Ummah to glory in their teens, we have devolved into a generation looking for a "Valentine." It is not enough to know your heroes; it is time you actually followed them.
Beyond the Red Decor: Reclaiming the Fitrah
The struggle of the youth is not merely an external one against commercialized holidays; it is an internal tug-of-war with their own nature—a nature that is often misunderstood by the very society meant to nurture it. Attraction to the opposite gender is not a sin; it is a physiological and spiritual reality, much like the hunger one feels during Ramaḍān. It is entirely natural.
Imam Ibn al-Qayyim رحمه الله captured this reality perfectly, “Allah has placed in the nature of a man an inclination towards a woman, just like the inclination of a thirsty person towards water and that of a hungry person towards food, to the point that many people may be patient with food and drink, but not with women.” (Ad-Dā’ wad-Dawā’)
Islam does not forbid love, nor does it look down on desires as something to be clinicaly suppressed. On the contrary, our religion acknowledges these feelings and provides a divine discipline to channel them. Unfortunately, modern culture, often a blend of rigid tradition and misplaced shame, has made seeking advice on these intimate matters feel awkward or even taboo.
Breaking the Stigma of Marriage
It is both disturbing and deeply ironic to see young adults reach out to their parents or guardians for help in seeking marriage, only to be labeled as "perverts" or accused of "just wanting sex."
We must address this directly: if the motivation for seeking Nikāh is indeed to fulfill physical desires, there is absolutely no shame in that. In fact, families should be grateful that their children have chosen the path of responsibility over the "easy route" of illicit relationships.
Furthermore, marriage is rarely just about the physical. While that is a valid component, the foundation is built upon companionship and emotional and spiritual intimacy. To label someone a "pervert" for seeking a spouse is a gross misunderstanding of the human condition. One must wonder what proponents of such a "perverted mentality" would say about our fathers, the Prophet Ādam عليه السلام and the Prophet Muḥammad ﷺ.
The Philosophy of the "Garment"
To understand the true spirit of marriage, we look to the words of Allah,
وَمِنْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَٰجًۭا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةًۭ وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَٰلِكَ لَـَٔايَـٰتٍۢ لِّقَوْمٍۢ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
“And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect.” (Sūrah al-Rūm, 30:21)
The Ayah declares that the very objective of married life is peace of mind (Sakīnah). Allah further describes this bond:
هُنَّ لِبَاسٌۭ لَّكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ لِبَاسٌۭ لَّهُنَّ ۗ
“...They are a garment for you and you are a garment for them...” (Sūrah al-Baqarah, 2:187)
A garment is worn to cover faults, protect modesty, provide warmth, and offer comfort. It is attached to you, enhancing your beauty and completing your appearance. Without it, you feel bare. Likewise, spouses complement, supplement, and support one another to become better versions of themselves.
Lessons from the Beginning: Ādam and Ḥawwā’
Even in the perfection of Jannah, companionship was necessary. Prophet Ādam عليه السلام, despite having everything his heart could desire, felt the weight of solitude. Man is, by divine design, a social being.
Ibn ʿAbbās رضي الله عنه narrated that when Ādam عليه السلام was in Paradise, he slept for a time and woke to find a woman created from his ribs. He asked, “Who are you?”She replied, “A woman.”He asked, “Why have you been created?”She said, “So that you could find tranquility in me.”
Imam Ibn Kathīr رحمه الله notes that upon seeing Ḥawwā’ (حَوَّاءُ), Ādam felt an immediate affection for her, and she felt the same for him. Loneliness is not a lack of faith; it is a sign of our humanity.
The Prophet’s ﷺ Need for Comfort
We see this same humanity in our beloved Messenger ﷺ. When the Angel Jibrīl عليه السلام first descended with the weight of Prophethood at Mount Ḥirā’, the first place the Prophet ﷺ sought refuge was in the arms of his wife. He rushed to Khadījah رضي الله عنها for comfort, and she soothed his worries and covered him in her embrace.
The best of creation required companionship. He ﷺ recognized the power of a woman to reassure, rebuild, and remind a man of his purpose. If the Father of Mankind and the Final Messenger ﷺ both required companionship, how can we label the youth "perverted" for seeking the same in a hyper-sexualized world?
A Message to Those Waiting
For those currently waiting for their "garment," remember that Allah is the Best of Planners and the Most Wise. Fifty thousand years before the sky met the sea, your name was written next to the one meant for you.
The question is not whether Allah will provide; the question is: Are you ready for your garment? Use this time to build yourself into someone worthy of being another person’s peace, protection, and beauty.
